How to talk about mental health with your employer
For almost anyone the idea of broaching the subject of mental health with your boss is daunting. Whether you’re experiencing a temporary bout of low mood or depression caused by a specific set of circumstances, or a chronic condition that needs longer-term support, it can be very hard to pluck up the courage to raise it.
Several different fears might nag away at you, leaving you feeling more anxious rather than less. Perhaps your manager seems too professional, so focused and driven by targets that you fear they’ll think you’re shirking. What if you appear weak, or not up to the job? What if you ask for time off, or for extra support, or some other form of adjustment to work? Are they allowed to sack you? (Spoiler: technically yes, but only after every reasonable step has been taken to support and accommodate you.)
For many, the prospect of holding those conversations can increase anxiety and stress. “Of course I must raise it, because it’s causing me real problems ... but ... what if it means I get overlooked for promotion, or worse. What if I seem to be letting my workmates down? What if I get a reputation for being weak or not up to it?”
Perhaps best, then, to take (several) deep breaths and remember that…
· Raising a mental health problem is really no different from mentioning a physical problem. At one time or another most people need their employers to make some reasonable adjustment, and it really doesn’t make any difference if the root cause is a panic attack or a broken arm.
· Remember all the value you have brought to your work, and the value you have brought to the organisation. As part of this, focus on the elements of your work that you can still perform well.
· Mental wellbeing is prioritised by society, trade unions, welfare organisations, and yes employers, much more than ever it used to be so there is no need to feel any stigma, or sense of failure, if you need to raise an issue with your boss.
· Remember, the law and good employment practices are on your side: discrimination because of mental ill-health is not allowed in the workplace.
Before you take the next step, try to review the root cause of the anxiety, depression, stress or inability to cope that you’re feeling. Reflecting on what the fundamental cause is will undoubtedly affect what remedy you decide to explore or request.
A middle manager in a public-facing role in Education in Derbyshire was going through a really challenging time. He was strung out, stressed, anxious about the future, and had been to his GP, twice. Recognising that the emotional turmoil and mental struggles were harming his sense of well-being as well as his work, he decided he had to bring up the subject with his line manager.
He said: “With a sense of nervousness, I started by apologising that I’d been a bit ‘off my game’ at work recently. I said only that things had been really hard at home in recent weeks and that it had affected my self-esteem, my focus, and my concentration levels. I hadn’t been sleeping properly and was feeling I wasn’t pulling my weight at work. I had consulted my doctor and was considering medication. I got a bit emotional during the meeting, partly because of the sense of relief at having opened up about it.”
“My boss was actually really good: ‘I had noticed and had wondered if everything was ok. Thanks for being so open about it. Do you need some time off, or what else can we do to help?’”
“I was amazed at how well it went. All my fears were unrealised. Within an hour I had a call from HR to set up a Zoom to see how my duties might be adjusted to help me get back on track as quickly as I could. I felt valued, and that in itself set me back on the road to recovery.”
Most of us have felt workplace pressure at the hands of our managers or colleagues. Sometimes we are driven so hard that we feel crushed under the weight of work and expectation.
Interestingly, it can be almost as common for those feelings to be caused by ourselves. In some cases you might be so committed to your career that you’ve invested your whole self, your whole being, in it. Is that healthy? Can you sustain it? Should you? Or does it lead to a situation in which everything just gets too much?
Perhaps driven by work ethic or ‘being seen to be working hard’, is your very identity defined by what you do for a living. Does work rule your life, meaning that everything gets out of proportion?
Everyone might regard you as a rock, invincible, but does your self-esteem take a real knock if you think your standards have fallen. Are you a perfectionist who unintentionally creates for yourself a whole environment in which unhealthy thoughts bubble up, because you’ll never live up to your own expectations? Classic circumstances for burn-out.
Recognise the symptoms and talk to your boss.
Whatever the cause of your mental ill-health, your depression, anxiety, low mood, or irritability, don’t ever forget that your bosses are people, too. They might be just as prone to bouts of mental ill-health as you or anyone else.
In that context it’s really worth thinking about the human dynamics that might be playing out at work. One useful way in which to frame this is to break ‘intelligence’ or ‘abilities’ down into different types. Some psychologists talk about the four ‘quotients’ of intelligence, and considering these in context of both yourself and your manager can aid conversations:
1. Everyone knows about IQ: the classic measure or ‘cognitive power’ if you like: the ability to do maths, verbal reasoning, logic, but also memory and recall.
2. Then there is ‘Emotional’ intelligence, or EQ (and, remember, perhaps your boss is good at IQ but maybe not so good at EQ?): this encompasses abilities such as getting on with others, keeping the peace, respecting boundaries, and being genuine, humble, considerate, understanding, empathetic.
3. The third is Social (SQ): in short, this is the ability to build and maintain social networks and friendships, and work relationships, over time.
4. Really interestingly in the context of mental health in the workplace, the fourth is Adversity (AQ): this is all about how, and how well, you cope with adversity; how resilient you are; the extent to which you can keep an even keel, and retain a balanced view of yourself and the world around you when things get really tough. Crucially, if work gets too much, what are your coping mechanisms? Can you improve them?
It is worth taking time to think about all of these components of ‘intelligence’, for every human being in every organisation will have a different amount or ‘quotient’ of each of them.
And when considering your own mental wellbeing, try using this framework to work out where your own strengths and vulnerabilities lie, while also understanding those of others, including your boss. Such insights might well lead to very fruitful, compassionate and mutually beneficial conversations.
Be confident
When struggling with mental health, it can be difficult to feel confident and courageous but when you consider all that has been discussed here, you really have got everything on your side. Remember that everyone has capacity to feel this way and that is why so much legislation and policy is in place to protect staff when discussing such matters.
The chances are you will be conversing about issues that your boss will certainly have come into contact with before – if not personally. Your feelings are valid and duty bound to be taken seriously.
Plan
Make a loose plan of what you would like to say and feel free to take notes or timelines into your meeting. This will help provide prompts if your confidence begins to waiver and ensure you say everything you want to.
Suggest adjustments
Your workplace can offer adjustments to staff who need them and you are in no way selfish for requesting these on a temporary or permanent basis. If you need more flexible hours, a change in priorities or to work remotely you should feel empowered to start this conversation without feeling any shame. That small adjustment could be the difference between coping with the job and feeling buried under the weight of it.
END
References
https://hbr.org/2021/07/how-to-talk-about-your-mental-health-with-your-employer
https://www.mentalhealthatwork.org.uk/toolkit/starting-the-conversation/
https://www.healthassured.org/blog/mental-health-and-dismissal/